I will never stop wishing you could, & still would, be honest with me about what you wanted. I knew the first time I got into your car & the passenger seat settings had been changed. It’s amazing to me that you lived w/me fit 10 years & never learned how deep my hyper vigilance goes. But of course, it also never occurred to you that the neighborhood would notice a man was suddenly spending quite a bit of time at our home. And that I didn’t already wonder about your “friend from the dog park,” even before you announced you were moving out to California together. Really appreciate having my suspicions confirmed on a live NextDoor, dear, I owe you for that.
I know you don’t see yourself as abusive (though I have some recordings to the contrary you may find shocking), but, husband, insisting to your significant other that sex 3 times a year, in a REALLY good year, & refusing to spend any time at all with your spouse is normal at ALL is at best emotional manipulation, & we both know you gaslit the bejesus out of me over that & the rest of your refusal to engage in any kind of life with me. For a decade. You stole over 10 years of my life, for fucking cover. That’s abuse. And of course all the purposely cruel abuse & vitriol you screamed at me for the last year+ we were living together.
I’m sorry nothing I ever said or did was enough for you to trust me. I’m sorry no hobby or activity I could suggest was enough to want to spend any time with me. I’m incredibly sorry I ever met you. I’m sorry for whatever made you this way. A liar. A narcissist. An abuser.
Enjoy the soundtrack, I thought it would be appropriate to leave you with two of the many things I couldn’t interest you in: music & mysteries.
I enjoy knowing you won’t understand any of it – though you’ll think you will bc i fooled you too. It was just into thinking you were a smarter & better version of who you actually are. I taught you how to dress & act to get exactly where you are, without you knowing a damn thing other then how to lie to people exceptionally well. I finessed you into being a more confident & adult person & you lapped it up like a dying dog. But you won’t know, you can never know, because you have no earthly idea who I am or why I care about what I do. Sometimes you play 3 card monte, sometimes the cards play you.
I genuinely hope you find happiness somewhere. Far away from me. Goodbye.