Had a short meeting today w/the soon to be ex, during which I asked him bc of his demeanor (ofc he would never just say it๐Ÿ™„): look do you just never want to talk to me again, bc that’s fine with me, or not – whatever.

I do need him for medical grade mj, which he occasionally freaks out & says he won’t sell to me anymore (just like every time I tried to leave he’d call the bank & move all our money out of joint checking – which is when I learned the term financial abuse), but i don’t know that it’s worth watching a grown man act like a petulant child who’s angry the toy he never cared about is now permanently broken. I’ll hack the ungodly pain if i must b/c he can’t control himself.

He completely lost his shit, yelled at me that I was lying about him on social media (I’ve never told a single lie about him, he’s just a hit dog hollering), he was super angry I hadn’t unfriended someone he felt I should (I forgot how weirdly & usually subtly controlling he is) & then said he was going to sue me for talking about my own life. I told him again – if youd been paying attention, you’d know I’d never lie & I’d never say anything online about you or your truly toxic mother that i wouldn’t say to either of your faces. I don’t need to lie – I know exactly who i am & how I was treated. I asked him if it upset him so, why does he stalk my social media? Huge fit & an angry “get out of my car.” Which I did, happily.

The thing is, the second he started being viciously verbally abusive, after 9 years of lies, emotional manipulation & gaslighting: I turned off all my emotions for him. It was easy, bc I suddenly saw the real him, not the facade he’d been showing me. So I genuinely like chatting & catching up with him, someone that I used to know. I have exactly zero feelings about it. It’s like chatting with the receptionist at my job.

The day I fled for good, he screamed at me that I’d never get over him & would soon be begging to come back.

I say now exactly what I said then: son, I cut my own father off at 12, never spoke to him again. Did the same with my mother, which she made easy by leaving when I was 14. Never expected anything but narcissism from her again & was fine with that. They both died without our having spoken for years & i was fine with that too. I knew what I was cutting myself of from when i did it & I can shoulder the weight of my choices. If I can do that – do you think it’ll be hard to cut you out of my heart? I did that the first time you screamed at me that I was worthless trash. I’ve been laying plans to leave for months. It’s done & dusted – I can be sincerely friendly, bc I truly have no emotional investment in you anymore.

Yet, he’s still very angry & today, verbally abusive & threatening. I guess that’s a win for me but honestly it just makes me sad for him, it’s pathetic. I offered to do this contactless multiple times since it’s always been obvious that he’s still angry about what he did & he always refuses, so…maybe learn to keep your powder dry for someone who cares, hoss.

The autistic part of me just does not get it. If be didn’t want me to do what I do better than almost anything – all he had to do was know who I am. And I’ve always been extremely clear about who that is, had he been paying attention. But ofc as he yelled at me several times before I left – I wasn’t worth any of his attention.

Boy you did this to yourself. We could still be together in some sort of weird sexless/loveless marriage as I begged you many times if you’d just be honest with me about what you want. But instead you gave in to the gross lessons your mother taught you, scream abuse, throw fits, make threats, etc. You very actively CHOSE THIS & still are. I’m sorry you’re not happy with your choice but you’ve no one to blame but yourself. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ