Ever since that first morning I woke up screaming, thinking one for my neighbors was being murdered then quickly discovering I was the one screaming bc someone had lit my leg on invisible fire, the neuropathic pain in my right leg is…insane. I’ve lived with chronic, sometimes severe, pain for most of my life so I thought I understood but this pain is a whole new level of…understanding.

I have a new neurologist since the “lesion on your pituitary & evidence of demyelination” MRI, so hope to god she has an idea bc I’m not sure how much I can take.

More depressing somehow though is the weakness. All the sports I love developed my legs, they were like iron. Every time I went lap swimming I loved that a could blow away a much better swimmer in just a kick board contest. In tournament training take kwon do I could easily throw 100 powerful kicks per leg, fast, in kickboxing I could put a serious dent in your heavy bag, I once “accidentally” broke two of a guy’s ribs (it’s a long story but we were sparring & it was legal & he deserved it). I could surf, , waterski, wakeboard, snowboard, ski & skate (both board & roller).

And now I can’t push a roller chair back from a desk without an insane amount of mostly upper body effort. I’ll get back up, I’ll find a way but I do have to wonder what goes next. And I suffer a surfeit of imagination so – that’s fun.

In conclusion: it hasn’t been the best couple weeks. But also not the worst.