My husband is like a serial killer. Except instead of the time between his murderous frenzies getting shorter & shorter, the time between him attempting to do some sort of modified Karl Rove in which he just accuses me of something he was literally just caught/proven to have done does. Yeah, it does sound familiar on a national stage. Like the sort of thing a flustered, terrified narcissist would do.

He waits till I make a sincere comment or observation about him, then just repeats it to me as an accusation. When I laugh & say “please, have some pride & at least voice some original thoughts,” he starts screaming about how I’m projecting. Which I know he’s smart enough to know is not what projection is but idk he seems really stuck on that word. It’s like watching someone slowly drown on the ground in front of you.

He used to wait a week or more to reuse whatever I’d said. Then a couple days, then multiple times a day, & finally today literally within one sentence . When I pointed this out he said I quote “don’t own all the words.” Which – he’s not wrong? Good one?

Then he screamed at me for awhile about various things & actually did say one surprising thing: that I’d broken several of his things on purpose when I was angry at him. I have broken several things, bc I am a huge spaz who also has a disease that causes “stroke like symptoms” & I’m gradually losing the good use of my right hand, gripping power in particular. I have broken several things & it’s always really humiliating bc it wouldn’t have happened if my hand & arm worked properly, I always apologize immediately, profusely & sincerely.

I snapped my head up & looked stunned (I have zero ability to keep my feelings off my face), & he thought it was bc he’d actually figured something out & finally landed a blow since I realized he actually does not want to be with me & began to close down any real emotional connection to him & stopped caring what he said.

But it was actually bc with narcissists & abusers, as we’ve all learned recently, they accuse other of things they either have done or plan to do. I knew he was confessing or predicting his own actions & that feels dangerous af.

Lucky for me I’ve survived much more dangerous men than him. He may get me. One thing you have to come to terms with when you live in a dangerous men as a child is that you literally cannot possibly always be on enough alert. If they’re determined to get you – they will.

But I’ve been training for this my whole life. I like my odds.

Obviously you’ll all be interviewed in the dateline they do when he does in fact murder me. Make them get Keith Morrison to do it bc he has a killer voice & I think poor murdered me should get that at least.