Hello, I am both a giant cliche (a middle aged now chubby lady leaving her husband & blogging about it) & not so much (I grew up poor & grifting, I had a competitive fighting career, I was a fire service EMT, I am autistic – etc). I have no other outlet for this because I am not good at making real friends, or sharing the kind of confidences that keep real friends. So you get to be that person. You are now my best friend, dear reader. No pressure.

I met my current husband in Maine, almost a year to the day after leaving my first husband. We had our first date at a hipster bowling alley & I was half in love with him by my third whiskey (I was drinking a lot then, at the tail end of a very irresponsible, but delightful, trampage/bender). He was charming, he was funny (I thought, in retrospect he just laughed a lot at my jokes, that one’s obviously on me. Because he turned out to be not funny at all), he was clearly brilliant even though he was working an unassuming job. Then I took him home, we smoked one high quality yankee grown joint & eventually proceeded to have amazing sex. Best of my life by a long shot & not to brag (jk total brag opportunity) but that’s saying something. YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND I’M ALLOWED TO BE GROSSISH.

That lasted, as well as his intense focus on & affection for me for about 6 months. Then he disappeared. Not Gone Boy style, his body stayed – but he just completely checked out. 9 years later – he’s yet to come back.
Tune in tomorrow for more of this pathetic story!